Time to make a change

Maybe I can find a girl and settle down....

;)

But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you've got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it.
If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them you know not me.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.

Dreamfall

"The things that make us what we are, that make our lives worth living, are always intangible and insubstantial. The best that we can hope for is that someday, somewhere a random cast off dream might ease someone else's pain or live on in someone else's memory"

http://4dogeaters.blogspot.com/2008/09/dreamfall.html

http://4dogeaters.blogspot.com/2008/06/one-of-our-sons-is-missing.html

http://4dogeaters.blogspot.com/2009/09/kikuyu.html

Rereading my old blog... I forgot about him.

And I just wonder, although I wasn't that close to him, if someone else had just been there to say, It's OK.


But in this world, witnessing violation takes a toll on our souls.

My last blog,. did not really tackle my sexuality issues.

But I have found one reference

http://4dogeaters.blogspot.com/2009/04/e-books.html

SUNDAY, JANUARY 11, 2009

Design

Just because you are on a well trodden path, doesn't mean it leads to where you want to go.

This year is the big 3 0.

So what have I accomplished?

I've learned
to love and to let go
to fight and to look before rushing into the fray
to keep a dream in the field of vision, but not be afraid to pass by a road that seems to lead to it
that sometimes courage is confronting the known rather than the unknown

I wouldn't be who I am now, if things had been different.

And I wouldn't want it any other way.

This year is 36

The career is almost there,.. master's anyway.

And what I have learnt this year is ... for better or worse
I am gay always... keeping that aspect of myself to myself is just not worth it.

I'd rather deal with the face value stuff,.. than quietly swallow bile.

But that also means... because of the way Trinidadian society is...

I am going to try to leave...

To not do so,.. would in the long run... leave me bitter.

The truth is I am ready to be more open, than society at large.
And I would like less negative consequences for doing so.

I have a very portable master's and some experience.

The only way I would even consider staying... is some assurance as to personal safety at work.

But also,.. my options for partners in this society are also somewhat limited,.. due to my openness.

Many  Trinidadians are not even out to their families,.. and open displays of affection are not encouraged.

As a woman, I do get stares... and then ... words which I will not repeat by drunkards...

Physical / Sexual assault in targeted attacks are a very real reality.. as is open harassment in the workplace.

And until we are ready to tackle these issues..

No one can tell me about brain drain..

Seldo

http://seldo.com/weblog/2011/08/11/it_gets_better

Jekyll and Hyde

For those with pre-existing mental issues,.. Dementia.. is a time bomb waiting to happen.

When CBT pathways are eroded...

And it is too hard to learn new ones.

What are our alternatives?

A year's work

But for now,... it is a little chilly,.... but not in all places.

But I am .... vulnerability is hard.

Stories of our lives - Trinidad Film Festival

These stories were so sad.

And what is sadder,.. is that I could tell they resonated with the LGBT members of the audience that I was in the audience with.

Some were crying.

Imagine IT CANNOT BE SCREENED IN KENYA!!

Elsewhere

I sold my soul for freedom

lonely... but sweet

Easy... to deactivate... and safer

As it is, they stare daggers at the monster

Good Will Hunting

The truth is I don't talk about work at home.

It's...  would take too many words... and too hard to explain.

But I was looking at this scene last night.
"You have any experience with that"

The sad thing is,... what I never got to say.. haven't said to anyone involved.

"It's not your fault"

"I'm sorry"

Cause in many ways,.. this entire no win situation.

Is bigger than us all.