Who will find your body

Full of despair inside a darkness
Self conscious and scared, held prisoner of war
Running out of air, buried in a sadness
Want a way out of this paralyzing world
And the sound of the cries when a family's loved one dies
It echoes through a vacant room where a young soul still resides

Searching for a way to escape the madness
A dire need for change as we fight for better days
The hurt and the pain cut deep like a razor blade
Holding in a cry for love, abandoned and afraid

When the night is cold and you feel like no-one knows
what it's like to be the only one buried in this hole
You can make it to the sunrise

Iroh:
Sometimes the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else.

I see how hurt she is sometimes,.. imagine over a decade later.
Wondering why?

Hearing the story of how he was found. 
Not knowing his friends,..
Wondering if they missed... signs..


So when I saw the signs (and ppl I've had my own mental health issues, I know the signs)
I thought the best gift, I could give was to cut the charade (one less thing to cope with)
It sort of solves both problems (two birds, one stone)

So that we can meet as equally,.. and move forward. 

I 

It does get better - loving the honesty with my coworkers

Compassion is hard folks.

" Some, if you ain't been through it, you can't imagine how it breaks your heart, tears it in shreds, bit by bit, night by night.
It's like you still a little child, screaming and sobbing at the top of your lungs from seeing the Devil and his wickedness all night long
and nobody never hears you, nor comes to comfort you.
And it goes on and on, not for just one night, but for a long long time.

If you don't think you have a choice, you don't have it.
And it gets to be this kind of sink-or-swim method of living.
It ain't a great way to go, but if you know no other way,
you just got to go ahead and do it.

And if you got to swim, and you ain't had lessons, you best pay attention.
I mean it, paying attention is the only way to make it, if that's where you are.....

And  it wasn't nice, and it was sad, but it was what was.
I mean, if she wanted a home
and she was going to need one after all this
she had to make a home.

She had to learn to make it herself.

And not just a place to live, but a place to be.
A place in her heart she felt proud of and work she was happy to do.

I mean, she had a job, came home with a paycheck, but with a sad bitter heartache too...

But they's lots of ways to kill a person.
And shame is as deadly as dust."

Money aint everything

I never will forget him
For he made me what I am 
Though he may be gone
Memory lingers on
And I miss him... the old man

And suddenly.......

My father is a rare cat.

... once upon a time,.. I had what to general perception was "a good job"
I was permanent and earned more than I do now.
But I was being asked to do things,.. which although not technically illegal... of questionable morality.

And it started to eat me,.. as I started to realise the magnitude of the consequences of what "we" were doing.

(Please note... no one make a jail as yet... although there was a public inquiry)

Anyway,.. I was renting,... and took my father to the beach one day.
And I told him... in broad terms..

That I needed to leave the job,...
cause at the end of the day...

The person you have to sleep with... is yourself.

And all my father said was
Your room is as you left it... do what you have to.

I was an adult woman.. in a managerial position.
Had six figures in savings... but knew I wanted to change my career field.

He was not obligated to take me back in.

In fact I know many parents who would have tried to help their child ease their conscience.

My father just said

Money ain't everything.

Death comes to us all,... it is the great equalizer

I cannot remember when I stopped praying for a cure.
And started to pray for death to come.
To ease her suffering.
To bring release.

Death is kindness...

If you stab yourself close to the top of your thigh.. to the bone..

The femoral artery is too high to turnkey and you bleed out in five minutes.

No regrets

I am reminded,.. that the paper's not the point

I am thinking anxiety.
Maybe with deep pressure touch
or dementia

London calling

My results are good.

I am going to London.

It is something to look forward to,.. and I need to switch focus a little bit, cause I have no clue what I wish to do for my master's project.

I know I want to do something on Mental Health.

And a systematic review.

The case for the World Health Organization's Commission on the Social Determinants of Health to address sexual orientation.

Been thinking about that, but will not do something so specific.

I love the fact I am out in work.

Making real progress this year.

Without a hitch

I may feel I am rusty,.. but the reality is I have been having these conversations for YEARS.

Top five went off smoothly.

Trinidad is very tolerant, overall.

A few pointers though.

• Do offer to answer any questions that they may have.
  
• Assure them that you have support and can give advice as to possible HR matters.
  
• Give them some one to talk to, because they may not want to discuss their feelings as they sort them out with you directly.

I may just decide to become a lifer after all this.