Saturday 20 June 2015

A bumpy ride

This is going to be a bumpy ride.

In Trinidad, because of the crime and lack of security in general.
We are getting the message.. take care of your own.

Cause when there aren't enough resources...
Humans tend to become tribal.

But what some of my friends and family don't get, particularly if they, themselves have never lived abroad.
Is that when everyone has rights.. it is a better, kinder society for all.

I know this because I lived in London.
Now people talk about the racism, and yes it does exist.
But gay youth who have been distanced from their families, have a way of bonding..
to a point that we become family.

G was of Greek descent, his father kicked him out of the house when he said he was gay.
He ended up in a group home, and due to issues there, moved in with a sugar daddy.
Somewhere in the melee he became HIV positive.

One night, I don't remember where we were,.. we are sitting on the ground in a darkened room.
He said very quietly,.. "I took a train ride"
He had gone back to his small town to see his mother.
He knew her schedule.
He waited hours outside the supermarket.
His mother saw her son across the street and did not acknowledge him.

And that is why G understood me so well, because for him, I
think sometimes for his mother to have died would have been easier for him to accept.

And readers,... I am nineteen and he is twenty one.

HIV stigma is universal.

One day, someone dropped some change on the counter rather than place it in his hand, it was something simple like that and I got upset. And he was like don’t bother with it.

Imagine a Trini, saying in that off handed way we have.. "small thing", scooping it off the counter in one motion.

And I realise my friend is actually accustomed at being treated with this level of contempt.

By all rights,.. if you are subjected to such suffering
You should turn into a bitter, hateful thug.

But what I have found, is that in some people.
It has the opposite effect.

The beauty of my experience of living abroad taught me this.
That allowed me to have such a friendship across race and class barriers.
Is that in London, I am a nobody. I have no family name or social standing by birth.
I am an immigrant.

I hope one day you experience this,. because it was in this cross cultural context.
That I learnt humanity and universal truths.

Saturday 13 June 2015

The alternative scene

There have always been parties.

No longer police raided.

It is a place to relax,.. and let your eyes wander the eye candy.

And for a few hours the rest of society doesn't exist.

I am so happy I am not driving,..

alcoholic bliss

Saturday 6 June 2015

Possibilities



You know what the worst part of being born over a hundred years ago is? 
I miss all the friends I used to hang out with. 
Before the war started, I used to always visit my friend Kuzon. 
The two of us, we'd get in and out of so much trouble together. 
He was one of the best friends I ever had, and he was from the Fire Nation just like you. 
If we knew each other back then, do you think we could have been friends too?

One Saturday, G called me up, we were supposed to go out somewhere.
I was feeling sad, and told him, I wasn't well.
Somehow, he knew something was wrong.

G got one of my houseshare mates to let him into the building and came knocking on my door.
I was crying,... and had my knife out.
I actually wasn't dressed.
And told him so, I remember his response.
"Like I care"

I let him in with just a t-shirt on, and he just took one look around the room, and stated
"I'll be waiting downstairs"

As I said, he understood the addiction.
But by that point, I knew there was no point continuing.

I got dressed and we ditched whatever the plan had been.

We ended up taking a river cruise down to Greenwich.


When you lose someone very close to you.
Some days,.. the grief can be very overwhelming and nothing eases the hurt.

For all the bright moments that G brought to my life in that dark time, it is poor karma.
If I do not speak, of his memory.. and of his legacy.

Cause based on this article.
http://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2015/06/02/409731413/suicide-no-1-cause-of-death-for-older-teen-girls

G saved my life.


Friday 5 June 2015

To Ransom a Man’s Soul

http://artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/05/30/outlander-season-1-finale-jamie-rape/


I give the producers an A+ for this depiction of male rape.

It is almost always portrayed as the first version in the episode. 
Bent over a table and violent.

However, in the narrative of the episode,.. it becomes apparent that it was not the use of physical force that bothered Jamie the most.

It was the admission that he reached orgasm, and that "it felt good"... in the one depicted in the picture above.

Just to be clear... they are both rapes.

The book is actually more explicit 


Dr McLean argues that reflex erection and ejaculation can increase the sense of guilt in male victims, even confusing a heterosexual victim's sense of sexuality and, by extension, identity, by raising the question 'Did I enjoy it'. 

I think as women, we must discuss this with our menfolk... and educate them where necessary.

Because,.. in our society. where we do not get taught about our bodies, and many people do not have a healthy sense of sexuality, ... this type of trauma.. is a driving force behind the homophobia.

Thursday 4 June 2015

Hate Crimes



Today, I was reminded, that we do not have hate crimes... and the danger is very real.

(A Gay man was beaten and subsequently died of his injuries)

If anything, it has strengthened my resolve to see this through.

They cannot die in vain.

Tuesday 2 June 2015

Exam strategy

Whatever you do not know... you will not learn in the last few hours before your exam.

It is almost 10pm.
I should be preparing for bed.

But at the same time, it is understandable that I am anxious on the day before the exam.

Nightcap is not a viable solution.

Meditation on the other hand.