The thing about work, is that I have rarely seen or experienced in Trinidad, anyone defending someone who is being bullied.
Which means... I am alone,.. and I know it.
I feel it...
It is the dread of knowing,.. that you have to be on your guard and able to withstand... on your own any attack.
Believe it or not, in London, work is usually a safe place,.. even in conservative companies,.. open harassment is not tolerated. You can be open,.. there is no point to concealing or reigning in your responses.
I find myself missing and longing for the freedom of that environment.
On nights like this,.. I wonder,... why do I stay in Trinidad.
I am writing this for my family (if you gay and live in Trinidad, you don't need to read, you live this)
Gender-based violence (GBV) is violence that is directed at an individual based on his or her biological sex, gender identity or perceived adherence to socially defined norms of masculinity and femininity.
I don't want my family thinking, if something happens to me that I went into this naive.
I simply do not in general share with you for the same reasons, and I do not expect you to embrace gay people in general,.. just accept me and be quietly supportive,.. as you have always done.
First off, there is no such thing in Trinidad as a hate crime.
And much of what goes on is not reported, if it does get reported it is not reported as homophobia.
It is a reality you learn to live with.
I am immune to verbal assaults along the lines of corrective rape. And there have been cases of corrective rape in this country. In my experience, it is mostly drunken obscenities and I have lost count, it happens every so often, hence the immunity.
As I think of this, I am uncertain as to whether those who do not lime in mixed company that 'both' (I know there are more than two) sexes are aware that both are getting 'pat downs'.
To the foreign... groped for balls, as their outward appearance is ambiguous.
And finally,.. yes there have been beatings,.. that end in disability and death.
I wrote DNR because they are my wishes. And if I go missing, assume it is over.
Cause I know enough anatomy, and would rather go out fighting.
If you cut the femoral artery above a tie off position, ie too high, you bleed out in five minutes.
And depending on what the threats are, if I judge credible,... I think this a kinder death.
Part of the problem.. in fact the main problem,...
is that because there was no intervention and my guess religious condemnation.
The shame of the suicide and being gay,.. have become combined in their perception of the issues.
It happened at the same time, and was their first exposure at a rather young age.
People are shaped by their experiences.... this is a bad combination.
A common combination,... but hard to address when it has been left to fester for so many years.
To persons who are not from Trinidad who are reading this.
because we have no guidelines,.. you have to be your own management support to your coworkers.
If you go back, you will realise I happen to have this level of experience, which is why I am laying the groundwork to tackle the issues I will have to deal with eventually.
Funerals are supposed to be a celebration of the life that was lived... in all its complexity.
I have heard too many stories,.. of the gays standing at the back of the 'house of worship' and not being offered to sit or acknowledged by families.
The reality is my entire family knows...
There is to be one service and one reception.
And although in general,.. I too am very discrete around my family,.. and they are not accustomed.
You have my assurance that you will be welcomed.
There is no sphere of my life where I think at this junction.. going forward.. where I will not acknowledge an acquaintance.
I'm not getting any younger. And society is changing. We are not quite at acceptance.
But I do hope to help engender tolerance,.. where ever I go, among whoever I meet.
Wisdom is knowing when you are both too close and too far from something to be able to tackle it effectively.
And for me, it is an acknowledgement that I cannot.
Not that I am really fooling anyone.
Cause the truth is... I think we are actually in don't ask, don't tell territory.
This is quite sad really, cause I was actually quite looking forward to testing the waters.
And I still think it needs to be done.
But the reality is that I am unequiped to deal with the legacy of a suicide on a daily basis,... this particular aspect being outside my previous experience.
Now, among Gay persons,... in private company... we joke that some of the visceral responses are really sexual attraction.
But seriously,.. in a society like ours... where there is limited justice... and very poor intervention in many cases...
Visceral responses... are perhaps for the most part... unexpressed emotion..
And this is the unexpressed emotion of trauma.
It is the persons with suicides, child abuse and male rape in closets lurking.
Unfortunately the person who pays the price for all this is the openly gay man minding his own business who had nothing to do with the source of the trauma.
But until we build the capacity to provide that level of support that is needed to address the backlog that exists out there.
It will fall on the few who are willing to step up, and are able to do so.
NEWSFLASH folks.... Homosexuality is not on the ICD-10
Transexualism is though,.... (which means that they might have status as a disability, but that's a different side conversation)
There should be no advocating for treatment for anyone for same sex attraction.
I good like I am,.... have thus existed for the last twenty years, not interested in going back to my tortured adolescent state.
And wouldn't wish that level of identity crisis before you even have one, on my worst enemy.
SSAIGD is an adolescent,.. internal conflict .. trial by fire.
And I know several MSM who are good fathers,... they like the man in the story, have wives.. who know,... I think. They tend to be over 45 and don't identify as Gay. Because that means they came of age in the 80's during the HIV epidemic,... then GRID etc etc.
But they take their responsibilities seriously,.. with the 'thing on the side' with safe sex.
And have actually asked me not to judge them too harshly,... as people make decision based on the society at the time they come of age.
Myself included,... for a long time, I thought I could never have a family, or be a mother.
I could have a partner and the wedding on the beach. But a child, in this society... with no legal rights.. NO.
I still doubt I would be willing to actually make a family,... I don't have an issue if my gf has a child.
But I'm not really maternal in that sense... Go by mommy if you crying.
I find older children easier.
I think it is a shame if people still think homosexuality and pedophilia are in any way related,... because THEY ARE NOT.
Back to Call the Midwife which is set in 1958... say the character is 25. So he is 80 now, if he is still alive... What a world of change to have lived in.
To go from being illegal, to legal.. to being able to have a civil partnership, .. and adopt children.
Medication,... especially the type of hormone formulations that they were using in those days... is positively inhumane.
And in Turing's case, for an act between two consenting adults..
For someone who it is estimated saved 14 million lives, by shortening the war by two years.
.... and in this country,... if they get referred to a some organisations,.. that shall remain unnamed.
That is exactly the type of advice that young SSAIGD will get.
Rather than a free showing of Pariah,... I would love a Gala fundraiser of Imitation Game.
To ask the persons in this country who truly believe in human rights to show their support.
The truth is many gay people have been through therapy... myself included.
So how do we end up there.
Mental health as “a state of well-being in which every individual
realizes his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and
fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to her or his community”
1. Before you identify,... you actually do get all the negative messages as a child about homos.
And parents, do not really think twice about saying these things to under 12's.
This is something I do tell my friends and family with children to bear in mind.
Cumulative exposure to stressors over time causes alterations in stress responses that have physiological
effects on the immune system, cardiovascular function, respiratory system, and other systems,
including the brain, that affect physical functioning in ways that are damaging to health
This is how I can tell, if as I tend to put it, someone has been beaten once too often... it is apparent that they are maladaptive... That is as adults,.. when the stressor is gone.. they retain the traits of their childhood exposure... eg. darting eyes.
So ... let me ask a question, .. no teacher ever watch your darting eyes and did take it upon themselves to inquire about your home situation?
There is much that is revealed... but at no point is it admitted that the beatings started as a child.
But if you know the signs, you can tell.
I once bullied a man from work with those eyes.
He actually cowered under my verbal tirade.
But the difference is, when he did it, I just.... stopped.
(Get a grip, Woodknot)
At that point, he was offered to sit.
And the whole story of the alcoholic father and violence came out.
Apology...
And awareness.
He claimed he didn't know what I said that had triggered him. Adults who get patched up, can usually fake it well enough to pass. But under stress,... it shows.
And frankly... Monkey know which back to climb.
That's the problem with letting the child abuse pass folks...
You end up with broken adults.... who do not know how to connect with their own children.
I mean, it's illegal here too, but there is no real prosecution,... harassment yes.
But to my knowledge, no one has actually been arrested for consensual sex between two adults, even if it is technically covered under the sexual offense act.
And what's more,... he actually has to ask this question
